Some of us were born with instant celebrity. A golden platter with people already gawking at their every move. They strut with perfect hair, square jaws and millions of dollars to support an image these people never even had to try hard to have.

For the rest of us we have to fight for our stardom. We have to push and pull to separate ourselves from the masses of common normal people.

Through the careful analysis of today’s media I have found the keys to unlock stardom.


10 Ways to become famous for nothing:
1. Be a comeback story. Where would Mariah Carey be without this one? Never had a falling out? Who cares? You are the comeback kid! Talk about your difficult childhood, abuse and despair are the ticket.

2. Be a celebrity partier! Go to every famous party, hang out on the red carpet. Set your sites low You can even pay for your way in!

3. When you go shopping always put on sunglasses. Buy them on the cheap! You are always on display.

4. A posse is essential and makes you seem popular and may even get you press.

5. Follow new religious trends. For a quick list of celebrities and religions, click here.

6. Beefs. Get out there and start a fight. 50 Cent vs. Ja Rule. Make sure you check out Celebrity Feud.com

7. Change your style twice in one night, just like Britney. Go for the best dressed list or the worst. It does not matter because you get press.

8. Pointless reinvention. Think Madonna.

9. Reality TV. Be a reality star. The Osbournes, the Newly Weds, Hulk Hogan, Mini Me. Rembember to be crazy. Think Scott Biao!

10. The crazy extremist. The crazy liberal, conservative or scientologist. Too many to list!

We all love our fraudulent celebrities. These are the celebrities that owe all their fame to the blogsphere because for one reason or another blogs follow their lame existences. Let’s take Pete Doherty, now you might say, well he is a famous musician who dated that hot skinny chick Kate Moss?

First off, name his current band? The correct answer is Babyshambles. Okay, so the Libertines are cool enough (his first band), but since then? He basically pissed it all away and now the only thing that keeps this bad boy going is the blogs that cover his arrests and “relationships”.

The blogs gave him a fraudulent sense of fame and he was able to convince us that he was a relevant rocker. Thus, he had to do everything in his power to remain on the blogs, as he has to keep up the charade.

Fraudulent elebrities thank you for your stupid antics.

What is it with this trend of international baby adoption? You would think these rich celebrities would just use their power and money to pick up an American baby! However if you look at the PR situation carefully you will realize that an American baby would never supply the same PR value as an international poverty baby. Lets dissect the scenario a little.

Among the most high profile is an actress known as Angelina Jolie, who has cleverly become the face of cross-country adoption and reportedly amongst all of her talk for wanting a “rainbow” family. Not only did she make her own daughter Shiloh an international celebrity baby, born in a mostly forgotten country Namibia, she also has an adopted son, Maddox, from Cambodia and daughter Zahara, from Ethiopia. Angelina is surely the cleverest in gaining PR value for all members of her family.

Hopefully they will soon isolate the homosexual gene so that we can usher in a new day in  minority adoption.

Today we are looking at “truthiness”, which is a satirical term created by the brilliant Stephen Colbert to describe things that a person claims to know intuitively or "from the gut" without regard to evidence, logic, or actual facts. (from wikipedia-certified truthiness). On the blogsphere I have selected at random a posting from one of my favorite blogs Dlisted.com:

Posh Beckham has reportedly been giving "English" lessons to Tom Cruise. Tom loves their accents and slang so much that he uses it around them and wants Posh to teach him.

A source said,"He loves the British language because some of the sayings are so quirky. Victoria says things like, 'bloody hell' and 'blimey', and tells her sons to 'come on chaps.' Tom loves hearing it all and is building up an Anglo-English vocabulary. It could come in useful for his film career

Tommy Girl just wants to learn so he can seduce David Beckham in his native tongue! Blimey!

First I am like: that poser Tom, so lame to just a rip off of that bitch Posh… then I am like, how the hell do they know this…? So I click on the “source” and it takes me to the VERY prestigious: AHN Global News for the Digital World. It seems prestigious enough, so I read the text and discover that the source of their information is… well, is a “source”.

That is the whole article is all based off an unnamed source… how is this news? How is this true? They could just make this up! My source says that Tom Cruise plays with birds because they sound like Victoria Beckham, next thing I know this will be quoted and it will be considered true because I said that I have a source.

10 More Ways to Increase your Celebrity Status!

In my ongoing series about how to become famous I introduce 10 more ways to help you find fame!

11. Start a blog. It works for Wil Wheaton and it can work for you. Tell the world your most banal thoughts.

12. Make another pointless celebrity blog like Trent. or of course my favorite Perez Hilton. Anyone can do this, look at me.

13. Make your own product line of anything. Purse, bag, clothes… even umbrellas. Fonzworth Bentley was P. Diddy’s butler for god’s sake.

14. What celebrity has not had a small animal one time or another? Dogs... monkeys. Dogs seem to be the favorite.

15. Be known for one thing. Be a one-hit-wonder, the Snapple lady or the Subway guy.

16. Do something really embarrassing. Ditch your wedding or throw your phone.

17. Gain and loose weight dramatically. Before there was Nicole Richie there was whole slew of celebrity girls who would eat and puke. Each one got headlines.

18. Cheat or get cheated on and then spill the details to your favorite friends and let the word spread. Make it a sex scandal! for better press.

19. Since you are probably unattractive, become a character actor.

20. Get trashed and go wild. Go on a rant, be prejudice, make a scene, get arrested, get your mug shots, and get released. This will set the blogs on fire.

Read All About it: Celebirity Donations!

One thing that amazes me is the things people/companies keep track of. I was looking through Celebritynation.blogspot.com and came across a posting talking about a database that shows how much money a celebrity donates to political candidates.

It offers us a few details that Jennifer Aniston and Halle Berry donated $2,300 to Barack Obama and even takes the time to tell us that this is the max for primaries but that she can give up to $4,600 for primary and general elections.

Huh? Okay, so for a second I cared. Go Aniston, support that Obama, down with the Republicans… Then I ask myself, how do they know this shit? Who really cares? Is this "news"?

It turns out the database is cared for by the Huffington Post, which seems hardly worthy of their vast resources.

The real question I have is why do companies track this? The answer is because we care. We want to know who our celebrities support so that we can decide on who we support.

Most musicians come and go, they have a couple of hits and then they disappear into the world to becomes dads/moms and part of the working class or retire to their mansions. We may relive that magic moment when we listen to the radio and an old song comes on making us feel nostalgic or your kids might "discover" your favorite childhood album making you take a moment to feel old. But not MJ, he touched us and made a huge impression onto the world.

So why the insistent following? It is actually simple. The tragedy of MJ, his iconic stature as a child, his music, and his potential... turned into a reclusive and controversial adult.

What we are all really obsessed is with everyone's PR machine that uses his image to propel their own interests. His story is part of the fabric of the world and his eccentric behavior is celebrated and gawked at. Imagine if Ashley Simpson continues on her plastic surgery splurge or Jennifer Aniston continues to be the victim of bad break-ups? We eat that shit up. Don’t become boring like Tara Reid, be Ms. Spears, or Ted Turner…. Keep it fresh and stay in the blogs and people will want to read about you.

After my last post about Poverty PR Babies, I thought to myself that this world only has one spot for a PR queen… and that spot belongs to Madonna. What PR move has she not mastered? With all that has happened on our lonely planet over the years I knew it was only a matter of time before Madonna chimed in, and she did in style. Her tiny bundle of joy is from yet another poverty-stricken country. She grabbed her little bundle of joy from Malawi.

In order to maximize her PR campaign, she had her spokeswoman claim that while Madonna was visiting orphanages and meeting children, no adoption had taken place, thus adding to the confusion and PR value. But nothing would stop Madge, even though this particular country has laws that make it illegal to have this adoption completed it did not stop her from Madonna was in the news for months while she launched her campaign to securing her own international baby!

Before I end this rant, lets walk down memory lane and see who else has pulled such clever PR moves. In January 06, actress Meg Ryan traveled to China to adopt a baby girl and Ewan McGregor and his wife Eve adopted a four-year-old Mongolian girl. Lastly, Mia Farrow adopted a couple of children from poverty-stricken countries, including Korea and Vietnam in the 1970s.

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My first blog today comes from Dlist.com, which pointed me to an excellent site which strips the... cream off our favorite celebrities. It is a retouching studio called iWANEX Studio, it basically retouches the faces of all of our favorite celebrities.

In this image based culture of ours, beauty may win the game, but rarely do "common" people get to see what goes behind that beauty. So here we have it, Kelly Clarkson is a little over weight, Cameron Diaz looks a little wired and twisted, Brittany Murphy has pores and looks human... so is all this so bad?

Yes it is.

Flaws don't sell. Thin waists sell. If your income was directly correlated to the size of your waist line you would lose those pounds in a heart beat... but why bother if you can do it with a click versus excercise and healthy eating? Honestly what would you do?

If you ask me this is clearly the case of a Cinderella analogy. The mouse is the Fairy God Mother, Dlisted.com is the Evil Step Mother and money is the prince.